It’s time! Grand Lake dealers are spending the week setting up for the best ever Tulsa Boat, Sport & Travel Show which opens promptly at 5:00 p.m. Monday, January 27. It’ll be great to see all the fair-weather lake pals who don’t frequent the shoreline or the water much during the winter months. By now, they can’t stand it any longer, and those who haven’t sneaked off to Florida, the Caribbean, or Mexico during the winter months show up with tanning-booth skin at the Tulsa Show to prove they’re serious. I spotted 34 Grand Lake exhibitors in a brief run-through of the exhibitors’ list. If you’re looking for a new boat – next week is going to be the best week of the year for you! I loved the Facebook post Shangri-La Marina’s Jared Jeffers stuck on the internet out of a fortune cookie: “Boat and water are in your future.” That should be the official Grand Lake tourism slogan.
Hey guys, new sex studies were released last week showing it’s not actually our fault. It’s a mental thing; and as it turns out – duh – size DOES matter. It may not be what you’re thinking, though. Studies indicate the preoptic area of the hypothalamus, the part of the brain that regulates the mating process, is actually twice as big and has twice as many cells in the male brain as in the female brain. The male brain actually devotes twice as much real estate to sex as the female brain. In my experience – twice as much money, too!
Speaking of which, the proof of another longstanding belief is finally out in another sex study, too. Money matters. As if wandering around Grand Lake yacht clubs wouldn’t be proof enough, the Barcelona (Spain) Public Health Agency has now released results of a study with the following conclusion: “People of lower socioeconomic status claim to be less satisfied sexually, which especially applies to women, who seem to be more influenced by these factors.” So sex is better if you’re rich? I would have never imagined! I’ll go one step further. It’s not just sex. Hell, everything is better if you’re rich!
As I spent the week studying such important matters as the two items above, I ran across a way to reduce federal government spending by a whopping nine percent. All we have to do is give all the purchasing agents a week off – coinciding with the last week of the federal government’s fiscal year. A new study shows that 9% of all government purchases occur in the final week of the fiscal year as agencies scramble to buy things that were never needed before, but suddenly became necessary because the funding would otherwise disappear. Another study is examining whether or not the government purchasing agents would make good wives since they seem to share many of the same traits.
The law enforcement agencies in Illinois have issued a reminder to motorists that they can be pulled over and arrested for talking on the cell phone while driving. That’s probably something Quebec private school security guard Sylvain Bergeron wishes he had thought of before he started driving through the state with $1.3 million worth of cocaine in his car. Oops.
Feel-bad flashback. Just in case you’re not feeling old enough, the top two movies were Forrest Gump and The Lion King. The top TV sitcom was a brand new series called Friends. Yep. That was…twenty years ago.
In Amsterdam, a government funded program for alcoholics introduced a welfare-to-work program that apparently really works. In exchange for street cleaning, the drunks are paid given $14 a day…and five beers. At least that ought to keep them coming back to work!
In New Jersey, homeless James Brady found $850 on the sidewalk and turned it in to authorities. When no one claimed the money, it was returned to him as a reward. Not knowing he should report the found money as income, he didn’t. Now, the state of New Jersey has cut off his benefits because they said he was “hiding income.” I’m guessing the state has also ended his streak of honesty.
If that’s not bad enough, how about this one? A Pennsylvania school boy realized he had inadvertently carried his pocket knife to a ball game in violation of school policy; so he promptly turned it over to a security guard. He was also promptly suspended for 10 days. As his father put it, “the school’s ‘no tolerance’ policy sends a message that you probably should lie.”
The votes are tallied. The “25 Most Successful College Football Programs of the BCS Era.” Guess who’s #1 in the nation. The University of Oklahoma. Wow. (After Oklahoma, the top ten were Florida State, Ohio State, Florida, LSU, Texas, Virginia Tech, Alabama, Georgia and USC.)
Hopefully, no members of a football fanatic “house divided” will get quite as carried away as a Wisconsin couple. Nicole Grant is a Green Bay Packers fan. Her husband, John, is a Chicago Bears fan. When the two teams played, the couple made a wager allowing the winner to taser the other. Nicole said sheepishly, (after she lost) she didn’t really think John would do it. He did, though. Three times. As the song goes, “he’s in the jailhouse now.” Police commented following breath tests that “neither of them could drive a car.”
GRAND LAKE BUM SHOUT-OUTS: Happy birthday wishes go out this week to Brad Williams, Kristy Mayfield, Doug Goss, Sarah Thompson, Donna Palu, Danny Brumble, Paula Brumble, Bud Wyatt, T.J. Barnow, Cathy Weatherford, Tedde Hartley and Hunter Hays. Congratulations, too, to the outstanding officers of the GRDA Lake Police who saved five people from drowning in two separate incidents in the past couple of weeks. Heroism is all in a day’s work for those guys & gals. I’m not sure if it should be “congratulations” or “condolences,” but let’s welcome Grand Laker Jim Richie as the newest appointee to the GRDA Board of Directors. He starts this week.
UNANSWERED QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Why is the most popular lullaby a song about sticking a baby in the top of a tree, only to see the wind break the tree, sending the little baby crashing to the ground “cradle and all?” I wouldn’t think that would comfort a baby.
BEST EVENT OF THE WEEK: The year’s first Guest Chef presentation of the year at Shebang is Wednesday night, featuring two-time Taste of Grand Award winner Chef Harrell Pickens (call for reservations). There’s a big pre-Grammy Party at Big Shots Rhythm & Booze Saturday night. Enjoy the music of the nominees and pick the winners before Sunday night’s awards ceremony.
BEST LIVE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE WEEK: There’s a great weekend of music ahead. At Downstream Casino’s Legends Sports Bar, there are two nights of music from really talented performers. Friday night kicks off with The Mark Chapman Band followed by 70s dance rock of Sequel Dose on Saturday night. Buffalo Run Casino presents sensational Love & Theft Friday night followed by a Studio 7 Dance Party in the Indoor Peoria Showplace. There are two nights of music at Buffalo Run’s Trailer Park Bar & Grill, too, with The Sex on stage both nights.
At Indigo Sky Casino’s Echo Bar, Friday night’s musical entertainment begins at 10:00 featuring the versatile musical offerings of Freeplay. Saturday night, the music at Indigo will be provided by Big Smitty beginning at 9:00.
On Monkey Island, there’s great dance music every weekend at Big Shots Rhythm & Booze, the Monkey Island Pub and Road Hog Saloon.
BUM MUST-SEE TV: 56th Annual Grammy Awards Sunday night at 7:00 on CBS.
BUM MUST-SEE MOVIE: Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and Frankenstein
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Governor Chris Christie now says he’s not sure if he’ll run for president or not. I guess he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.” -- Rottenecards
SAVE THE DATE: Monday, January 27 – Tulsa Boat, Sport & Travel Show. Wednesday, Wednesday, January 29 – Wing Ding Throwdown Party at The Shebang. Prepare your favorite “wings” and enter the competition. February 2 – Super Bowl Sunday. Best lake spots for watching the big game: Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La, Hookers at Cherokee Yacht Club, Pickles at the Lake in Langley and J.J.’s Wing ‘N’ It in Grove. Friday, February 7-Sunday, February 9 – Home & Garden Show at the Grove Civic Center. Saturday, February 8 – Winter Olympics “Island Style” at Big Shots Rhythm & Booze on Monkey Island.
Now that we have the Super Bowl contenders all set, we’ll have to wait a couple of weeks to get the final decision about who’s #1. In the meantime, the only NFL action this week is the Pro Bowl. Live coverage begins Sunday on NBC at 6:00.
In the NBA, after a Tuesday road trip to Portland, and a nationally televised bout Wednesday in OKC with the Spurs (ESPN at 8:00) our OKC Thunder has another pair of back-to-back road games Friday and Saturday. They’ll be in Boston to take on the Celtics Friday night (6:30 on FSN), before traveling to Philadelphia to face the 76ers the next night in Saturday prime time (6:30 on FSN). Next week, they’re in Miami on Wednesday night to take on the Miami Heat in enemy territory and on national TV (6:00 on ESPN). Lakers/Heat and Nuggets/Trailblazers are on stage for the Thursday night TNT double feature (beginning at 7:00 this week). The Clippers and Bulls play Friday night on ESPN (7:00) and there’s a great double-header Sunday on ABC beginning at noon: Spurs/Heat followed by Lakers/Knicks.
Great college basketball coverage begins early this week with #1 Arizona hosting Colorado Thursday night (8:00 on ESPN2). Saturday highlights include West Virginia at Oklahoma State (1:00 on ESPN2), Syracuse at Miami (noon on CBS), Florda State at Duke (noon on ESPN), Tennessee at Florida (3:00 on ESPN), Michigan at Michigan State (6:00 on ESPN) and Kansas at TCU (8:00 on ESPNU).
On the PGA Tour, the big kids are back. Defending champion Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, et al will be in La Jolla on the course at Torrey Pines this week for the Farmers Insurance Open. Golf Channel coverage begins at 2:00 p.m. Thursday & Friday, 5:30 Saturday and 6:00 Sunday. CBS has primary coverage of the final two rounds at 2:00 Saturday and Sunday.
Heading toward the weekend and Monday’s opening of the Tulsa Boat Show, the weather looks okay. Not as nice as the past weekend, to be sure, but tolerable with highs in the 40s. At least the sun will be out and the wind will be down a little. It’ll be a good weekend to party on Grand Lake, getting in shape for partying every night next week during the boat show. Remember to buy a drink for the guy next to you. It could be me.
GRAND LAKE BUM
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Looking for places to go, things to do, services to use or property to buy in the Grand Lake area? Here’s a starter kit listing of “open to the public” fun places to spend time at Grand Lake.
American Grill in Grove
Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Artichoke Restaurant & Bar in Langley (smoking in the bar)
Back Roads south of Ketchum (smoking)
Big Shots on Monkey Island (smoking—open Friday & Saturday nights)
Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patios)
Buffalo Run Casino in Miami (smoking)
Carlos Montez in Langley (smoking in bar)
Ceasar’s Place in Vinita and on Monkey Island
Chicken Coop in Langley
Clanton’s Café in Vinita
Docks Bar at Harbors View Marina
Downstream Casino in Quapaw (smoking)
Drake’s Restaurant in Grove
Frosty & Edna’s (west of the dam in Langley)
Grand Lake Burrito in Ketchum
Grand Lake Casino, north of Grove on Highway 10 (smoking)
Grand Lake Side Restaurant & Bar at Sailboat Bridge (formerly Royal Bay)
Grand Lodge in Ketchum (smoking)
High Winds Casino east of Miami (smoking)
Indigo Sky Casino west of Seneca, Mo. (smoking)
Iron Frog (Grove)
Island Joe's Kentena at Shangri-La Marina (smoking)
J.J.’s Wing ‘N’ It in Downtown Grove
J.R. Spanky's on Highway 10 north of Grove (smoking)
Karrie's Kaboose in Vinita (smoking)
La Casita de Martin in Grove
Lighthouse Supper Club in Ketchum
Los Garcias in Langley
Lupe's Mexican Restaurant in Grove
Monkey Island Pub (Smoking)
Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney (smoking, etc.)
Napoli’s Italian Restaurant (locations in Grove and Langley)
Nu Taste Restaurant in Grove
Okie Smokies Barbecue in Grove on Hwy 59 South
Ozzie's on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Pattie’s Place Family Steakhouse at South Wind Marina in Bernice
Pensacola Pizza & Pasta in Langley (smoking on patio only)
Pickles Pub in Langley
Quarterdeck Cafe at Tera Miranda Harbor (smoking on the deck)
Rancho Viejo in Grove
Road Hog Saloon at the entrance to Monkey Island (smoking...but not at lunch)
Scooters in Langley (smoking)
Sharky’s at Hammerhead Marina (smoking)
Smokin’ Spur BBQ & Trading Post at Old Towne Plaza, Cleora
Stuffn’s Restaurant in Ketchum (Smoking on patio)
Summerside Winery in Vinita
Summit Restaurant at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Grill at Indian Hills Resort & Marina in Bernice
The Landings Marina (smoking on the deck)
The Landings Market and Grill on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Parrot at Honey Creek Landing in Grove (Smoking on the patio)
The Office on Monkey Island (smoking)
The Stables Casino in Miami (smoking)
The Shebang on Monkey Island (smoking on patio and Balcony Bar)
Trail’s End Barbecue in Grove
Ugly’s Grill & Bar, Thunder Bay Marina (smoking)
VIP Pizza at Hammerhead Marina (smoking on deck)
Water Side Bar & Grill in Grove
Waterway Café, Harbors View Marina (smoking on breakwater dining deck)
Wyandotte Nation Casino at Twin Bridges (smoking)
Your Place (Grove Main Street)