The weekends just keep getting better and better on Grand Lake. I had a chance to spend a wonderful birthday evening with the best gal pal ever, little Cari Williams, enjoying the fabulous Smokey Joe’s Café musical at The Shebang followed a little karaoke fun on The Balcony Bar.Saturday night, a little Docktoberfest fun at Harbors View followed by a mad dash to A Taste of Grand – back to The Monkey Island Pub for Oktoberfest fun, and on to the Balcony Bar at The Shebang to party with a wedding party -- then Sunday yachting aboard the new Chaparral purchased by my buddies Steve and Cathy Weatherford while burning their fuel and drinking their whisky, finishing just in time to join the Jim Beam Party at Shangri-La in honor of the Jim Beam Folds of Honor Classic golf tournament winners. It doesn’t get any better than that. I barely sobered up in time to remember I’m supposed to write a little column every week!
Owen Edward Hossack is in hot water. The former member of Alpha Gamma Rho fraternity at OSU apparently thought it would be funny to ask fraternity pledges if they were willing to take a bullet for their fraternity brothers. The funny all fell off the joke when it was discovered that the gun he was holding to their heads was loaded. That fact became obvious when he pulled the trigger and shot out the car windows. OSU, as it turns out, is just kidding about that “pistols firing” stuff.
Sometimes, statements from our political leaders are downright confusing. For example, I’m as confused as my pal Sarah Williams who spotted the dandy quote of the week. “Governor Mary Fallin won’t support the bond issue to build tornado shelters at schools because ‘they would take away resources from necessary funding areas such as public safety.’ Um…WHAT?”
The federal government, of course, is even more confusing than the situation with our own state. Congress has now officially voted to provide back pay for all the federal employees who were sent home as part of the government shutdown. So now we have all the same expenses as an operating government, but no operating government – just lots of paid vacation time. So, go through this with me one more time: we shut down the government…why?
Reason #1 to not join the Tea Party: Activist Jerome Corsi has posted a YouTube video urging followers to “hold the line” on the belief that sex is solely “about the procreation of children.” He further explains, “If you want to have fun, read a book or go to a movie. Sex is not about fun.” Coulda fooled me.
You can’t fix stupid. A gunman in Belleville, Illinois showed up at a Circle K store at 2:40 a.m. with a gun and demanded money. When he returned to the store at 7:00 a.m. (unarmed), the same clerk was still on duty. She promptly called police and they picked him up. Apparently, according to police, there was significant alcohol involved.
What’s better than sex? Apparently…coffee. Le Meridien Resorts surveyed travelers and found that 53% of their guests, given the choice, preferred a cup of hot coffee to a hot date. A whopping 78% said they would prefer to give up alcohol, social media, or sex with their spouse rather than give up morning coffee. (They were not questioned about preferences relating to sex with someone other than their spouse.)
With Halloween just around the corner, it’s time to start putting up Christmas decorations. Actually, we’ll have a new holiday to celebrate this year. Technically, it’s not “new.” It happened once before in 1888. Thanksgiving will officially fall on the same day as the first day of Hanukkah, the Jewish 8-day Festival of Lights. The new holiday is “Thanksgivukkah.” Creative chefs are already at work creating dishes ranging from “menurkey” to sweet potato latkes. I hope there are no leftovers. According to the Jewish calendar, “Thanksgivukkah” won’t happen again for some 70,000 years.
“Be sure and pour that in a cup!” Believe it or not, Oklahoma isn’t the only place with weird liquor laws. Police in Las Vegas arrested thousands of people for “open container law” violations last month in the Fremont Street district after a party got a little out of hand. However, 1,300 of the citations were thrown out of course last week after it was determined that the Las Vegas Open Container Ordinance only prohibits drinking whisky on the street out of a bottle – not a cup or can. We need to get that exact wording and get it approved for Grand Lake!
Perhaps this falls under the heading of “too creative.” Neil McArdle was set to get married in Liverpool’s St. George’s Hall. When his wedding day arrived, he realized he had forgotten to complete the paperwork to reserve the facility. Instead of mustering the courage to tell his fiancé and her parents, he chose to call in a bomb threat to the building, forcing total evacuation. When he realized his mistake, he tried to call back and confess, but no one answered the phone because the building had been evacuated. In court last week, he confessed. I’m not sure about whether or not the wedding was rescheduled.
Andy Borowitz Poll: A majority of Americans favor Mental Health Care for Congress.
A prayer from my pal Bud Gammell: “Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.”
Best Jimmy Fallon Late Night Hashtag of the week: “My mom texted me, ‘Aunt Mary died. LOL.’ She thought LOL meant Lots of Love.”
“Hate Texas Week” is officially underway!
GRAND LAKE BUM SHOUT-OUTS: Belated birthday wishes to my good friend Gary Nichols, whose birthday slipped up on me last week; and Happy Birthday this week to Sarah Williams, Art Couch, Michelle Robertson, Carlos Estrella, Michael Foster, Lane Worley, Saunie Boeve, Brian Brandwein, Russ Arnold, and Teri Smith. Happy anniversary to great Monkey Islanders Carl and Becky Sconyers; and congratulations to two fabulous Grand Lake chefs ending competition with the exact same result as last year’s Taste of Grand. Supreme Cuisine Award to Chef Harrell Pickens at Grand Lakeside – People’s Choice Award to Chef Kevin Severe at The Summit at Shangri-La!
UNANSWERED QUESTION OF THE WEEK: What happened to Preparations A through G?
BEST EVENTS OF THE WEEK: The Grand Lake Fall Festival & Food Truck Rally is scheduled forSaturday on the Community Center Lawn, Grove; and the Great Pumpkin Fall Festival is alsoSaturday at the Bernice State Park Nature Center. Sunday, October 13 is National No Bra Day!
BEST LIVE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE WEEK: On Monkey Island, you are the entertainment at the Balcony Bar at the Shebang, with karaoke both Friday and Saturday nights. Just across the street at Big Shots Rhythm & Booze, there are is always great dance music Friday and Saturday nights, as well.
On the south end of the lake, there are two great nights of music at Pickles at the Lake in Langley. The great Don White entertains Saturday night with the equally talented Bill Snow on stageSaturday night.
Friday night is a big birthday night for big Russ, with music by Western Justice at JR Spanky’s.
Area casinos will be in full action, of course, with plenty of music to keep you entertained. J.B. and the Moonshine Band will be on stage at Buffalo Run Casino’s Indoor Peoria Showplace Fridaynight at 8:00. Inside the casino itself, Black Moods will be at the Trailer Park Bar & Grill Friday &Saturday nights. At Downstream Casino will feature a fabulous show by Wynonna and Big Noise at The Venue Friday night. Inside the casino at Legends Sports Bar, Pop Machine will provide the variety rock entertainment Saturday night, followed by the new country music of Brent BakerSaturday night; and at Indigo Sky Casino, the big Saturday night show features the talented Big Smitty at the Echo Bar at 9:00.
BUM MUST-SEE TV: Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, weeknights at 11:30 on NBC. He’s better than ever!
BUM MUST-SEE MOVIES: Captain Phillips
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “I consider myself to be an objective observer because I object to almost everything I observe.” – Stephen Colbert
SAVE THE DATE: Saturday, October 19 – 7th Annual South Grand Lake Lions Club Chili Cookoff & Tailgate party, 11:00-2:00 at Langley City Park. Saturday, October 26 – Monkey Island Association Halloween Boat Parade and party at The Landings Marina. Saturday, October 26 – Island Joe’s and Monkey Island Pub present the Island Gala Halloween Party and Costume Contest at Monkey Island Pub. Shebang and Big Shots Halloween Party is also October 26 at Big Shots. November 1-2: Big Shots goes Country! Come enjoy the nominated artists and vote for who you think will win the CMA Awards.
It’s OU-Texas Weekend, boys and girls. If you’re not going to be in Dallas, snuggle up to a big screen at 11:00 Saturday morning (ABC). OSU is idle this week, but Tulsa will be on TV at UTEPSaturday night at 7:00 (Fox Sports 1). Arkansas hosts #13 South Carolina at 12:20, but the game is not televised. College action starts Thursday night with Rutgers at #7 Louisville (6:30 on ESPN). Other games to watch this week include Missouri at Georgia (11:00 on ESPN), Iowa State at Texas Tech (11:00 on Fox Sports 1), Florida at LSU (2:30 on CBS), Baylor at Kansas State (2:30 on Fox), Oregon at Washington (3:00 on Fox Sports 1), Michigan at Penn State (4:00 on ESPN), and Texas A&M at Ole Miss (7:30 on ESPN).
In the NFL, week #6 off kicks off Thursday night with the New York Giants in Chicago to take on the Bears (7:30 on NFL Network). Sunday’s top games include the Chiefs hosting the Raiders, the Packers at Ravens, and Saints at the Patriots. Sunday night, the Washington Redskins renew their rivalry in Dallas against the Cowboys (7:30 on NBC) and Monday Night Football features the Colts and Chargers in San Diego (7:30 on ESPN).
Major League Baseball ALCS and NLCS begin this weekend. NLCS on Friday (on TBS) and ALCSSaturday (on Fox).
The 2013-2014 PGA schedule begins this week with the first Tournament of a new FedEx Cup year. It’s the frys.com Open with coverage on the Golf Channel from San Martin, California Thursday-Sunday.
NASCAR competition heads to Charlotte for the Bank of America 500 during Saturday night prime time. Coverage begins on ABC at 5:30.
The weather forecast for the weekend ahead is what we call PERFECT FALL WEATHER. Highs will be in the 70s with lows in the 50s and sunshine. Golf. Boating. Dancing. Drinking. It’s the perfect weekend for a Grand Lake OU-Texas party! Remember, though -- wherever you decide to party, be sure to buy a drink for the guy next to you. It could be me.
GRAND LAKE BUM
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Looking for places to go, things to do, services to use or property to buy in the Grand Lake area? Here’s a starter kit listing of “open to the public” fun places to spend time at Grand Lake.
American Grill in Grove
Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Artichoke Restaurant & Bar in Langley (smoking in the bar)
Back Roads south of Ketchum (smoking)
Big Shots on Monkey Island (smoking—open Friday & Saturday nights)
Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patios)
Buffalo Run Casino in Miami (smoking)
Carlos Montez in Langley (smoking in bar)
Chicken Coop in Langley
Clanton’s Café in Vinita
Docks Bar at Harbors View Marina
Downstream Casino in Quapaw (smoking)
Drake’s Restaurant in Grove
Frosty & Edna’s (west of the dam in Langley)
Grand Lake Burrito in Ketchum
Grand Lake Casino, north of Grove on Highway 10 (smoking)
Grand Lake Side Restaurant & Bar at Sailboat Bridge (formerly Royal Bay)
Grand Lodge in Ketchum (smoking)
High Winds Casino east of Miami (smoking)
Indigo Sky Casino west of Seneca, Mo. (smoking)
Iron Frog (Grove)
Island Joe's Kentena at Shangri-La Marina (smoking)
J.J.’s Wing ‘N’ It in Downtown Grove
J.R. Spanky's on Highway 10 north of Grove (smoking)
Karrie's Kaboose in Vinita (smoking)
La Casita de Martin in Grove
Las Palmeros on Monkey Island
Lighthouse Supper Club in Ketchum
Lupe's Mexican Restaurant in Grove
Monkey Island Pub (Smoking)
Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney (smoking, etc.)
Napoli’s Italian Restaurant (locations in Grove and Langley)
Nu Taste Restaurant in Grove
Okie Smokies Barbecue in Grove on Hwy 59 South
Ozzie's on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Pattie’s Place Family Steakhouse at South Wind Marina in Bernice
Pensacola Pizza & Pasta in Langley (smoking on patio only)
Pickles Pub in Langley
Pour House at Broclees in Grove
Quarterdeck Cafe at Tera Miranda Harbor (smoking on the deck)
Rancho Viejo in Grove
Road Hog Saloon at the entrance to Monkey Island (smoking...but not at lunch)
Scooters in Langley (smoking)
Sharky’s at Hammerhead Marina (smoking)
Smokin’ Spur BBQ & Trading Post at Old Towne Plaza, Cleora
Stuffn’s Restaurant in Ketchum (Smoking on patio)
Summerside Winery in Vinita
Summit Restaurant at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Grill at Indian Hills Resort & Marina in Bernice
The Landings Marina (smoking on the deck)
The Landings Market and Grill on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Parrot at Honey Creek Landing in Grove (Smoking on the patio)
The Office on Monkey Island (smoking)
The Stables Casino in Miami (smoking)
The Shebang on Monkey Island (smoking on patio and Balcony Bar)
Trail’s End Barbecue in Grove
Ugly’s Grill & Bar, Thunder Bay Marina (smoking)
VIP Pizza at Hammerhead Marina (smoking on deck)
Water Side Bar & Grill in Grove
Waterway Café, Harbors View Marina (smoking on breakwater dining deck)
Wyandotte Nation Casino at Twin Bridges (smoking)