Random Observations From The Grand Lake Bum
The last big three (four?) day holiday weekend of the summer is upon us! Hopefully you spent the last couple of weekends in serious training. I don’t care if it is the end of the major summer season, you can’t properly tackle the necessary imbibing of a holiday weekend without a little conditioning. I’ve been in serious daily training now for a couple of weeks. I sure hope I’m not too hung over to show up for the real party this weekend!
Over the last weekend, I ran across a bachelor party that was conducting some serious training for the holiday ahead. At first, I didn’t know it was a bachelor party. It looked like a testosterone commercial – or a body building club. Those guys were sporting six-packs bigger than the ones they were drinking! I finally had to ask them to put on shirts. It was confusing for me. I thought I was looking in a mirror. #wishfulthinking #bullsh*t
For those of you who are serious boaters and golfers, the best Grand Lake season of the year officially starts Tuesday, September 2. The Memorial-Day-to-Labor-Day crowd will be gone, the weather will start downgrading temperatures a little, and the next 60 days of weather will be absolutely perfect for outdoor activities. If you don’t participate in the “Fall Ball” at Grand Lake, it’s your loss. Summertime is just for gathering money from tourists so we can have enough socked away to enjoy the best season ourselves. It starts… right now!
Marketing ideas for all eternity! In Berlin, the Lutheran Georgen Parochial Cemetery has set aside a 4,300 square foot section of the cemetery for lesbians. No, really. According to a cemetery spokesman (who knew there was such a thing as a cemetery spokesman?), the burial plots are reserved for “women who want to be buried among other lesbians.” I’m not sure what they think they after-life is like, but I guess they want to be prepared, just in case.
Ultimate irony? A 10-foot tall pine tree in Los Angeles’ Griffith park was planted in 2004 in memory of George Harrison. It has to be replaced now, because of an insect infestation. Seriously… it was destroyed by – beetles.
Sometimes there are things you just can’t explain. In Winnipeg, a busy church food bank has announced that it is closing. A spokesperson for Unity Truth Centre said, “It’s attracting a lot of poor street people that made it uncomfortable.” Nothing like a bunch of damn poor people to ruin the fun of a food bank for the, uh… poor.
Perhaps the United States Military should begin more aggressive recruiting of women for the Armed Forces. In Iraq, the Kurds are apparently on to something in their battles with the jihadists of ISIS. The Kurds are deploying units comprised totally of women warriors to the front battle lines. It seems those anxious-to-die jihadists don’t want to die at the hands of a woman because they’re afraid they won’t go to heaven if they’re killed by a girl. Makes sense to me. I’m a little afraid of women myself!
Am I the only one who thinks maybe law enforcement in some parts of the country is getting a little out of hand? No, I’m not opening the Ferguson, Missouri can of worms for the Facebook screamers. I’m talking about Iberia, Louisiana this time. Victor White III had been arrested on a drug charge and was sitting in the back seat of a police car with his hands handcuffed behind him when he was shot to death – a gunshot wound to his chest. The official police ruling was…suicide. He must have been quite a contortionist!
I’m pretty sure we ought to have a new entry in the Guinness Book of Records for “Most Persistent Stalker.” A New Mexico woman was finally arrested in Albuquerque after calling her ex-lover 77,639 times. Oh yeah, she also sent him 1,937 emails and 41,229 text messages, 217 singing messages, and 647 letters. Oh, did I mention the time period? ONE WEEK! Now, THAT’S serious stalking!
The official Grand Lake Bum Holiday Rules are in effect for the Labor Day Weekend: No politics, no religion, no fighting, no puking, no indoor nudity, no hitting on someone else’s date, no bragging about income or social status… and patience, patience, patience. With college kids back in school, every establishment is short on help as they struggle to deal with overwhelming holiday weekend demand. Be patient, be nice, and tip big. Be extra considerate of all the people who are working so you can play! Have a great holiday.
GRAND LAKE BUM SHOUT-OUTS: Happy birthday wishes go out this week to Tom Sharpnack, Erica Woodmansee, Brad Meyers, Patty Davis, Janet Link, Chad Randall, Cathey Storey, Jim Basgall, Jenean Perryman, Laken Neal, Brian Broaddus, Seth Smiley, Larry Mlnarik, Marilyn Mlnarik, Gary Morgan, Dennis Patrick and Pat Dunn.
UNANSWERED QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
BEST EVENTS OF THE WEEK: The 78th Will Rogers Memorial Rodeo is in Vinita Wednesday through Saturday nights, beginning with the kickoff rodeo parade Wednesday at 11:00 in downtown Vinita. Saturday in Woodard Hollow, State Representative Doug Cox is providing a free concert by Exit 34 on his dock in Governor’s Retreat from 2-5 p.m. It’ll be perfect raft-up entertainment! If you’re at the south end of the lake, the Redneck Yacht Club annual raft-up is in the tailwaters of Duck Creek Saturday from 1-5 with live entertainment by Lickitty Split; and Jana Jae’s Fiddle Camp is this weekend (daytimes Saturday & Sunday at Grove Civic Center, Friday & Saturday nights at Snider’s Campground).
GRAND LAKE WEEKEND LIVE ENTERTAINMENT: There are two giant concerts at Buffalo Run Casino to kick off the Labor Day weekend. Thursday night, the legendary Merle Haggard performs at the Indoor Peoria Showplace; and Friday night, the incredible Rascal Flatts will perform at the outdoor amphitheater. At Buffalo Run’s Trailer Park Bar & Grill, The Sex entertains bothFriday & Saturday nights.
Friday and Saturday nights, there are dual performances at Downstream Casino with Kenny Babb performing in the Lover’s Leap Lounge both nights. Donnie Miller & Rude Awakening will provide the entertainment at Legends Sports Bar Friday night. Saturdaynight, it’ll be Lance Griffith & Midnight Prairie Band in Legends. Tuesday evening, America’s Got Talent finalist Milton Pattonperforms great acoustic music.
The weekend starts on Wednesday at Indigo Sky Casino’s Echo Bar with a performance by Scale House followed on Thursday night by The Beer & Chicken Band. Friday night, it’s the music of Stonehorse; and Big Smitty wraps up the Indigo weekend Saturdaynight.
On Monkey Island, the music begins Friday night at Island Joe’s Kentena at Shangri-La Marina with Denny Blackburn & Rick Yeubanks kicking the weekend off and Diversity taking over the stage Saturday night, followed by Big Smitty Sunday night, all at8:30. Monday afternoon, Randy Lunsford wraps up the weekend with relaxing music from 4-7 at Island Joe’s.
At The Shebang, YOU are the entertainment, with Friday, Saturday and Sunday night karaoke fun on the Balcony Bar; and there’s always terrific weekend music and dancing with D.J. entertainment at Big Shots Rhythm & Booze, Monkey Island Pub, and the Road Hog Saloon.
On South Grand Lake Empire opens the weekend entertainment at Sharky’s Bar at Hammerhead Marina, followed by Dan Crossland Saturday night and Koven Sunday night. Friday night will be the usual Boat-In Movie at Thunder Bay Marina’s courtesy slips and Jimmy Bythe will provide the musical entertainment Saturday night at Ugly’s, with Aaron Newman taking the stage Sundaynight. Harbors View Marina’s “Red Dirt & Ribs” barbecue & party will feature Coy & the Rustlers Saturday night beginning at 6:00.
The best spots to catch the NFL Preseason, PGA Golf, U.S. Open Tennis, NASCAR and other sporting events are Island Joe’s Kentena at Shangri-La Marina, the Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La, Hookers at Cherokee Yacht Club, Aqua Bar & Grill at The Landings Marina, and JJ’s Wing ‘N’ It in Grove. Enjoy!
BUM MUST-SEE TV: Late Night with David Letterman – Thursday night (August 28) at 10:30. Oklahoma Grammy Nominee John Fullbright and my lifelong pal Terry Ware perform.
BUM MUST-SEE MOVIE: November Man
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF…”
SAVE THE DATE: Friday, September 5 – Kenny Rogers in concert at Downstream Casino. Thursday, September 11 – Mickey Gilley in concert at Buffalo Run Casino. Friday, September 12 – Grove Rotary Bob Killion Memorial Golf Tournament at Patricia Island Golf Club. Saturday, September 13 – 21st Annual Hook ‘N’ Cookoff (9:30-4:00) at South Grand Lake Regional Airport. Saturday, September 20 – “A Taste of Grand” at the Integris Grove Hospital campus – great food, great band. Friday & Saturday, September 26-27 – Pelican Festival in Grove. Saturday, September 27 – South Grand Lake Lions Club Chili Cook-off from 11-2 at Langley Ball Fields; also Langley’s 75th Birthday celebration with daylong festivities and a street dance featuring Don White at 6:00.
In the TV sports world, college football officially kicks off this weekend. The Tulsa Golden Hurricane starts the weekend Thursdaynight hosting Tulane (7:00 on CBS Sports Network). OU and OSU both play Saturday night – OU hosting Louisiana Tech at 6:00(Pay Per View only) and Oklahoma State takes on Florida State in Arlington, Texas and on national TV (7:00 on ABC). Other great games this week include West Virginia and Alabama (2:30 Saturday on ABC/ESPN), Clemson vs. Georgia (4:30 on ESPN) and UCLA at Virginia (11:00 on ESPN). SMU is at Baylor Sunday at 6:30 (Fox Sports 1) and Miami travels to Louisville for a Mondaynight game at 7:00 (ESPN). If you want to get up at the crack of dawn Saturday and watch a little football, local game time for the Penn State/UCF game is 7:30 Saturday morning. Nope, that’s not a typo. They’re playing in Dublin, Ireland for some reason.
The last televised NFL preseason football game is Thursday night with the Philadelphia Eagles hosting the Pittsburgh Steelers (6:00 on NFL Network). The real season formally kicks off Thursday night, September 4.
The big hitters on the PGA Tour will be competing at The Deutsche Bank Championship this week. Due to the holiday, the tournament won’t start until Friday. Coverage starts at 1:00 1:00 Friday, 2:00 Saturday and noon Sunday & Monday on the Golf Channel. NBC has the final two rounds Saturday and Sunday afternoons at 2:00.
NASCAR action runs in Sunday night prime time this week. Coverage of Sprint Cup Series from Atlanta begins Sunday night at 6:30on ESPN.
It’s the biggest time of the year for tennis fans, with coverage of the U.S. Open continuing daily on ESPN (10:00 a.m. or noon/check TV guides).
There’s great baseball action on the tube, too. Cleveland is at Kansas City Sunday night at 7:00 on ESPN2, Philadelphia is at AtlantaMonday at noon, and Detroit travels to Cleveland Monday at 3:00, both on ESPN.
The Labor Day holiday weekend weather forecast is just what we’ve come to expect on big holidays – perfect Friday and perfectMonday. Saturday, we may have a few scattered thundershowers, lingering into Sunday morning. We don’t care. We not scared to get our boat wet. It’ll just cool us off a little. Those of us without on board satellite TV will be coming off the lake early to watch football, anyway. I hope your team wins! Enjoy the lake, the golf course, and all your favorite dining & drinking establishments. Remember, though…wherever you decided to party, be sure to buy a drink for the guy next to you. It could be me.
GRAND LAKE BUM
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Looking for places to go, things to do, services to use or property to buy in the Grand Lake area? Here’s a starter kit listing of “open to the public” fun places to spend time at Grand Lake.
American Grill in Grove
Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Artichoke Restaurant & Bar in Langley (smoking in the bar)
Big Shots on Monkey Island (smoking upstairs—open Friday & Saturday nights)
Book ‘ems at South Wind Marina in Bernice
Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patios)
Buffalo Run Casino in Miami (smoking)
Carlos Montez in Langley (smoking in bar)
Ceasar’s Place in Vinita and on Monkey Island
Chicken Coop in Langley
Clanton’s Café in Vinita
Docks Bar at Harbors View Marina
Downstream Casino in Quapaw (smoking)
Drake’s Restaurant in Grove
Frosty & Edna’s (west of the dam in Langley)
Grand Lake Burrito in Ketchum
Grand Lake Casino, north of Grove on Highway 10 (smoking)
Grand Lodge in Ketchum (smoking)
High Winds Casino east of Miami (smoking)
Indigo Sky Casino west of Seneca, Mo. (smoking)
Iron Frog (Grove)
Island Joe's Kentena at Shangri-La Marina (smoking)
J.J.’s Wing ‘N’ It in Downtown Grove
J.R. Spanky's on Highway 10 north of Grove (smoking)
Karrie's Kaboose in Vinita (smoking)
Kelly’s Bar & Deli at Red Arrow Marina
La Casita de Martin in Grove
Lighthouse Supper Club in Ketchum
Los Garcias in Langley
Lupe's Mexican Restaurant in Grove
Monkey Island Pub (Smoking)
Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney (smoking, etc.)
Napoli’s Italian Restaurant (Langley)
Nu Taste Restaurant in Grove
Okie Smokies Barbecue in Grove on Hwy 59 South
Ozzie's on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Book ‘ems Restaurant & Pub at South Wind Marina in Bernice
Pensacola Pizza & Pasta in Langley (smoking on patio only)
Pickles at the Lake in Langley
Quarterdeck Cafe at Tera Miranda Harbor (smoking on the deck)
Rancho Viejo in Grove
Road Hog Saloon at the entrance to Monkey Island (smoking...but not at lunch)
Rusty Anchor (next to the cliffs at Dripping Springs)
Scooters in Langley (smoking)
Sharky’s at Hammerhead Marina (smoking)
Smokin’ Spur BBQ & Trading Post at Old Towne Plaza, Cleora
Stuffn’s Restaurant in Ketchum (Smoking on patio)
Summerside Winery in Vinita
Summit Restaurant at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Grill at Indian Hills Resort & Marina in Bernice
The Landings Marina (smoking on the deck)
The Landings Market and Grill on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Parrot at Honey Creek Landing in Grove (Smoking on the patio)
The Office on Monkey Island (smoking)
The Stables Casino in Miami (smoking)
The Shebang on Monkey Island (smoking on patio and Balcony Bar)
Trail’s End Barbecue in Grove
Ugly’s Grill & Bar, Thunder Bay Marina (smoking)
VIP Pizza at Hammerhead Marina (smoking on deck)
Water Side Bar & Grill in Grove
Waterway Café, Harbors View Marina (smoking on breakwater dining deck)
Wyandotte Nation Casino at Twin Bridges (smoking)
Your Place (Grove Main Street)