Grand Lake Bum
Observations from The Grand Lake Bum
I got just what I wanted for Easter! On the water – and sunburned. You can’t have a better present than that on the last weekend of March at Grand Lake. I don’t know about you, but I could get used to getting our moisture Caribbean style like we did over the past weekend: rain at night and early morning followed by sunshine and warm temperatures all afternoon. The coming weekend looks like a carbon copy…except without the rain. The peak season is HERE!
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As my Facebook friends would say, “bahahahahaha!” Can you believe the number of people who fell for the Grand Laker newspaper’s front page “April Fool” story about FERC ordering Grand Lake to be drained for cleaning? If you’re doing a newspaper readership study, I’d say you’re safe to say a lot more people read headlines than actually read the stories attached to them! Even the byline indicated the story was written by “Ima Kidden.” Nonetheless, people went berserk, the Tulsa World, Channel 8, Channel 2 and others did stories about the joke, and the poor Corporate Communications guys at GRDA were finally forced to issue a news release letting people know the story was a joke. Lots of people accused me of writing the story. I was flattered, but I did NOT write it. I wish I had. It was VERY cleverly done – and probably the best marketing tool in the history of the Grand Laker! Maybe we should have a competitive athletic event on Grand Lake: jumping to conclusions. (Heavy sigh.) You can’t fix stupid.
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Tangled webs, foxes and henhouses, pots & kettles category. The Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation says it will undoubtedly be asked to investigate so-called “non-profit associations” created by state employee groups to pay for questionable expenses. Hmm. Do you suppose the OSBI will be asked to investigate the TWO such associations that, according to the State Auditor, paid $10,000 to send eleven OSBI employees and 19 guests on a cruise?
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I’m sure it was an honest mistake! Microsoft has been fined $725 million by the European Commission after a programmer “carelessly” left one line out of a European version of Windows 7. That “one line” turns out to be the one line that would have offered browsers other than Microsoft’s own Internet Explorer. Also last week, the government of Denmark says Microsoft owes a billion dollars in taxes it evaded after the takeover of a Danish company by “routing money through U.S.-standard tax havens such as Bermuda. Geez. Do you still think we should “run government like a business?”
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Attention, enterprising young Grand Lake guys. Here’s another business idea, if you can find some embarrassed, busy professional women. It’s working in China. Young professional women, embarrassed by not having a boyfriend to show off to their families, are taking advantage of a new “fake boyfriend” service. They guys charge $50 a day to pose as a boyfriend – plus extras like $5 to go to dinner, $8 for a kiss on the cheek and $95 to spend the night. Spending the night, by the way, is sleeping on the couch. There’s no sex involved, otherwise this “fake boyfriend” service would be called something altogether different (and altogether illegal, as well.)
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Loretta Lacy was just trying to make it to her granddaughters’ dance. Damn cops. Attempting to travel the 500 miles from Sioux Falls, South Dakota to Racine, Wisconsin in time for the dance, she was stopped and ticketed four times (for speeds up to 112 mph) in two-and-a-half hours. Worse yet, she was late, anyway.
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Maybe B.A.S.S. should consider this. Leaders of the ice-fishing community, in an effort to have their “sport” recognized as an Olympic event, have asked the World Anti-Doping Agency to randomly test their “athletes” for illicit drug use. In an abundance of advance caution, however, they have made it clear they don’t want their “athletes” tested for alcohol because “everyone would fail.” Point taken!
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Bikers’ Alert: be sure to head this off before it spreads to the United States. A city in Indonesia has drafted a city ordinance banning women from riding on motorcycles “with their legs straddling male drivers, since that might tend to provoke them.” Well, DUH! Otherwise, why impede a perfectly nice motorcycle ride by taking a girl??? Sometimes elected officials just don’t get it – even in Indonesia.
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What is a graduate degree worth these days? Megan Thode thought it was worth $1.3 million. That was the amount of her lawsuit against Lehigh University after she alleged a professor discriminated against her by giving her a C-Plus in a course that required a B to continue. She said the grade “cause $1.3 million damage to future earning potential in her career.” We still don’t know for sure, but we know for sure the amount didn’t set well with the judge who threw the case out of court.
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A couple of my Monkey Island buddies, Mike and Rick, have some extra time on their hands and talked about starting a business collecting aluminum cans along the highway. The only problem is, there’s not much trash on Monkey Island. Undeterred, they came up with a solution: they decided to drive up and down the highway all day drinking beer and throwing the cans out – then coming back to pick them all up. On Grand Lake, where there’s a problem, there’s a solution!
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Speaking of solutions, we need one! I would blame it on storms, but the little dab of rain and cloud cover that wiped out my technology last week could hardly be called a storm. I finally reached the maximum frustration level. Allegiance Cable went out while I was watching the NCAA Tournament. I tried to check the scores on the internet, but Precision Wireless was down. I grabbed my cell phone, but there was no service from AT&T. My buddy tried to come to the rescue, but nothing from Verizon, either. Is there NO ONE who realizes Grand Lake might be a great market for decent cell phone, internet or television service?
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There’s reason to celebrate this weekend. Yet another “accessible by water” destination for dining and drinking opens for the season this week. The Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island opens for the season Friday.
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GRAND LAKE BUM SHOUT-OUTS: Happy Birthday wishes go out this week to Terri Markham, Grant Forkner, Diana Stephens, Jim Oglesby, Edward Allensworth, Wayne Smith, Clay Hartley, Tod Sanger, Steve Oden and Dana Chouteau.
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UNANSWERED QUESTION OF THE WEEK: “A stitch in time saves nine what?”
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BEST EVENTS OF THE WEEK: Friday and Saturday – Grove Merchants Spring Open House; Retro Signs Antique Advertising & Signs Show & Sale at Buffalo Run (Friday appearance by Danielle Colby of American Pickers. Saturday – Grand Dam Run, Pensacola Dam (meet at First Christian Church of Langley at 8:00 a.m.); “Dub Day” (Dub Cross Life Celebration) at Mountain Mamas Paradise Amphitheater in Disney at 1:00.
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BEST LIVE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE WEEK: Country star John Anderson will be in concert Friday night at 8:00 at the Venue at Downstream Casino. Another Alibi will be performing Friday and Saturday nights in Buffalo Run Casino’s Trailer Park Bar & Grill. Friday night, The Bryant Band from St. Louis will entertain with classic rock music in Downstream’s Legends Sports Bar; and the Matt Coleman Band will be on stage at Echo Bar at Inidigo Sky Casino Saturday night. There’s great music this weekend at Pickles on the Lake in Langley, with Cool Breeze Friday night and Reverse Reaction Saturday night.
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BUM MUST-SEE TV: Academy of Country Music Awards, Sunday night at 7:00 on CBS, The Americans Wednesday nights at 9:00 on FX. And BASKETBALL! The Final Four and Championship NCAA men’s games Saturday and Monday (CBS); and NCAA Women’s Final Four games Sunday with Championship game Tuesday (ESPN2).
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BUM MUST-SEE MOVIES: G.I. Joe: Retaliation
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QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Thirty-five years ago, I dated a girl from Tulsa. She said, ‘You’ll never see a casino in Tulsa. This place will never be like that sin city, Las Vegas.’ Well…that worked out, didn’t it?" – Jay Leno, Saturday Night at the Hard Rock Casino in Tulsa
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SAVE THE DATE: April 26 – 2nd annual GRDA Lake Launch (reception, appetizers, music, State of the Lake address) at GRDA Ecosystems Center in Langley, 6:00-8:00 p.m. May 10-12 at Playmakers in Grove -- Grand Laker and Broadway star Ron Young performs "Songs I Like to Sing" in an intimate setting to kick of Playmakers annual fundraising. $50 per ticket. Call 918-782-8950 for reservations.
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It's a great sports weekend coming up. In the NCAA Tournament, we're down to the Final Four. The two semi-final games will be Saturday (CBS) with the National Championship Game set for Monday night (CBS). The Women’s Final Four is set for Sunday, with the Championship game Tuesday (ESPN and ESPN2).
In the NBA, it's the top to teams in the West Thursday night as the San Antonio Spurs head to OKC to take on the Thunder in a nationally televised match-up (8:30 on TNT). Friday night the Thunder are at Indiana (7:00 on Fox Sports Oklahoma) before another national televised contest Sunday hosting the New York Knicks (noon on ABC).
Rory McIlroy heads the field of the final tune-up for The Masters this weekend. It's the Valero Texas Open in San Antonio. Coverage on the Golf Channel begins at 2:00 Thursday and Friday, noon Saturday and Sunday. NBC picks up the final two rounds at 2:00 Saturday and Sunday.
The NASCAR Sprint Cup Series is back on the track Sunday. It's the STP Gas Booster 500 from Martinsville. Coverage begins at noon Sunday on Fox.
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The weekend ahead looks absolutely fabulous – fair skies and high temperatures in the low 70s all weekend long. And that’s no April Fool joke! Party on, kids. I’ll see you in Disney Saturday for “Dub Day.” Wherever you’re planning your weekend festivities, remember to buy a drink for the guy next to you. It could be me!
GRAND LAKE BUM
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Looking for places to go, things to do, services to use or property to buy in the Grand Lake area? Here’s a starter kit listing of “open to the public” fun places to spend time at Grand Lake.
American Grill in Grove
Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Artichoke Restaurant & Bar in Langley (smoking in the bar)
Back Roads south of Ketchum (smoking)
Big Shots on Monkey Island (smoking—open Friday & Saturday nights)
Broclees Grill on Highway 59 North in Grove
Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patios)
Buffalo Run Casino in Miami (smoking)
Carlos Montez in Langley (smoking in bar)
Chicken Coop in Langley
Docks Bar at Harbors View Marina
Downstream Casino in Quapaw (smoking)
Drake’s Restaurant in Grove
Frosty & Edna’s (west of the dam in Langley)
Grand Lake Burrito in Ketchum
Grand Lake Casino, north of Grove on Highway 10 (smoking)
Grand Lake Side Restaurant & Bar at Sailboat Bridge (formerly Royal Bay)
Grand Lodge in Ketchum (smoking)
High Winds Casino east of Miami (smoking)
Indigo Sky Casino west of Seneca, Mo. (smoking)
Iron Frog (Grove)
Island Joe's Kentena at Shangri-La Marina (smoking)
J.R. Spanky's on Highway 10 north of Grove (smoking)
Karrie's Kaboose in Vinita (smoking)
La Casita de Martin in Grove
Las Palmeros on Monkey Island
Lighthouse Supper Club in Ketchum
Lupe's Mexican Restaurant in Grove
Monkey Island Pub (Smoking)
Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney (smoking, etc.)
Nu Taste Restaurant in Grove
Oliver's Twist on South Grand east of Disney (smoking on patio only)
Ozzie's on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Pensacola Pizza & Pasta in Langley (smoking on patio only)
Pickles Pub in Langley
Pour House at Broclees in Grove
Quarterdeck Cafe at Tera Miranda Harbor (smoking on the deck)
Rancho Viejo in Grove
Road Hog Saloon at the entrance to Monkey Island (smoking...but not at lunch)
Scooters in Langley (smoking)
Sharky’s at Hammerhead Marina (smoking)
Smokin’ Spur BBQ & Trading Post at Old Towne Plaza, Cleora
Stuffn’s Restaurant in Ketchum (Smoking on patio)
Summerside Winery in Vinita
Summit Restaurant at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Grill at Indian Hills Resort & Marina in Bernice
The Landings Marina (smoking on the deck)
The Landings Market and Grill on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Parrot at Honey Creek Landing in Grove (Smoking on the patio)
The Office on Monkey Island (smoking)
The Stables Casino in Miami (smoking)
The Shebang on Monkey Island (smoking in bar area and patio)
Trail’s End Barbecue in Grove
Ugly’s Grill & Bar, Thunder Bay Marina (smoking)
VIP Pizza at Hammerhead Marina (smoking on deck)
Waterway Café, Harbors View Marina (smoking on breakwater dining deck)
Wyandotte Nation Casino at Twin Bridges (smoking)