Let’s hope the first weekend of spring is an omen of the season to come. What a fantastic weekend on Grand Lake. I got my official Spring Fever “shot” from Dr. Phil Good at Big Shots Rhythm & Booze Saturday night. I think I’m going to make him my regular doctor.
If you’re going to be in the Langley/Disney area this weekend, be prepared to share a barstool with 10,000 of your closest friends. It’s “Big Meat Run” weekend – and the rock crawlers will be rolling over every conceivable surface below the dam. The next weekend, a zillion athletes will be running across the dam. It’s getting dam busy!
Uh-oh. Drinking danger for my wino friends. Beware of Beringer, Trader Joe’s, Franzia, Fetzer’s, and Corbett Canyon. A lawsuit in California claims they contain up to 500% of the acceptable levels of arsenic. I had no idea there was such a thing as an “acceptable” level of arsenic. All these years we thought the wine was killing our wino friends – maybe it wasn’t the wine at all. It was the arsenic!
I’m not sure this would work with the GRDA Lake Police. It didn’t work too well for Robert Pursley when he was arrested for DUI in Mary Esther, Florida. Asked about the items in his truck, Pursley told the cops everything in the truck absolutely belonged to him “except anything that’s illegal.” Apparently he was referring to the bag of cocaine in the center console.
If you’re trying to find loopholes in government regulations, perhaps you should hire the giant DISH television network to help you. They recently received a $3.25 billion discount of the purchase of part of the wireless spectrum in the U.S. by convincing the Federal Communications Commission they were a “very small business.” They had created a separate company and “partnered” with a small Alaska Native group, thereby qualifying for the “very small business” loophole, despite the company’s market value of $34 billion. And the rich get richer. Sheesh.
If you’re really an “out there” entrepreneur, let’s see if you have the courage to jump out there with a new Grand Lake business like the “adult baby nursery” recently opened in North Liverpool, England. Men are charged $115 an hour to lie around in adult-sized baby cribs, in man-sized infant clothing, while being treated like helpless babies. Really. There is no sex involved, but for an extra $40, the guys can have their diapers changed. WTH?
NEW SCAM AGAINST INSURANCE COMPANIES: In Utah, a Court of Appeals has ruled that Barbara Bagley, as the official “representative” administering her late husband’s estate, DOES have the right to sue an insurance company for the wrongful death of her husband because the driver was allegedly “negligent.” If she is successful, the insurance settlement will go to her husband’s heir – her. Ironically, the “negligent driving” defendant is also – her. The court is actually allowing her to sue herself in order to collect an insurance settlement for being negligent. Gee, I don’t know why people wonder about the court system.
This is the best hypothetical question ever! It came the U.N. Conference on Disarmament was meeting in Geneva, and engaged in debate as to whether or not the meetings should be open to the public. A representative from Belarus expressed alarm about security, posting this timely question: “What if there were topless ladies screaming from the public gallery throwing bottles of mayonnaise?” (FYI, my crack “Lake Bum Research Team” has concluded this has not been a problem in the past.)
When you are driving around a neighborhood, diligently looking for an address, do you turn your radio down so you can see better?
Only in Florida – this time, it was West Palm Beach where Robert Michael Phillips must have thought the heroin in his pocket and the cocaine in his car might not provide enough clarification to arresting officers. He made the situation perfectly clear on his police intake form at the jail. On the line asking for “occupation,” he simply wrote, “drug dealer.” Just in case it wasn’t clear.
Entertainment note for a great cause: I can’t wait until April 11. The fabulous Old Bulldog Band will be performing at Big Shots on Monkey Island, with proceeds benefiting extension of the Monkey Island Trail! Usually, we can’t get reserve seats at Big Shots, but a $25 purchase (paid in advance) will do it this time. $20 at the door. This will likely be a standing-room-only event. It always is when these guys & gals hit the stage!
BEST FACEBOOK POST THIS WEEK: “I tried to log in on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch, and I don’t own an iPad. Also, I’m out of wine.”
GRAND LAKE BUM SHOUT-OUTS: Belated great birthday wishes to my Island pal Gary Williams who celebrated with friendsSaturday night. Great party! Happy birthday wishes go out this week to Matt Moyer, William Cook, Ryan Dalton, Charles Gragg, Mandy Dalton, Becky Sconyers, Anna Pickens, Cliff Cook, Jana Kimball, Tonya Blair, and Eddie Allensworth. Best wishes also to one of the all-time great Grand Lakers, Ray Hunt, who is recovering from some health difficulties in Tulsa.
UNANSWERED QUESTION OF THE WEEK: If a piece of wood measures 1 ¾ X 3 ½, why do they call it a two-by-four?
BEST EVENTS OF THE WEEK: Rock Crawlers’ “Big Meat Run” is at Disney Friday-Sunday. There is also a reception Friday afternoon at 3:00 at the GRDA Ecosystems Center in Langley, honoring the founder of The Big Meat Run, John Sumner. Saturdayafternoon, the Girlfriends of the Airport are hosting a “Paint and Sip Party” at Cherokee Yacht Club, 1:30 p.m. in the Poolside Dining Room.
GRAND LAKE WEEKEND LIVE ENTERTAINMENT: There’s no shortage of incredible musical entertainment and fun around Grand this weekend. If you’re on Monkey Island, there’s ALWAYS a party on the weekends at Island Joe’s Kentena, Big Shots, Monkey Island Pub, and Big Shots. South Grand Lake partiers can great live music by Lickitty Split Saturday night at Pickles at the Lake just north of Langley. If you’re in the Grove area, check out the action at J.R. Spanky’s with Kevin Upshaw performing Fridaynight, followed by Backroads Saturday night.
Area casinos have great entertainment options this weekend, too. At Buffalo Run Casino’s Trailer Park Bar & Grill, Paralandra will be featured both Friday & Saturday nights. At Downstream Casino, there are plenty of choices. Kenny Babb will entertain with his solo piano performance in the Lover’s Leap Lounge both Friday and Saturday nights. In Downstream’s Legends Sports Bar, there is a FREE Dirt Road Live series concert featuring Livewire on Friday night. Saturday night, Wayne Sharp & the Sharpshooter Bandtake over the Legends stage.
At Indigo Sky Casino, there is live entertainment in the Echo Bar beginning with Dewayne Bowman Thursday night. Another Alibitake the stage for Friday night’s show, with Rocked N Loaded on stage Saturday night. If comedy is your thing, Kevin Zeoli will be on stage both Friday and Saturday nights at the Loony Saloon Comedy Club at The Stables Casino with special guest Justin Sullivan.
The best spots to catch NBA, NCAA March Madness, NASCAR and PGA action are the Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La, Monkey Island Pub, the Standing Room Only Bar at The Shebang, Island Joe’s Kentena at Shangri-La Marina, Road Hog Saloon, Hookers at Cherokee Yacht Club, Pickles at the Lake in Langley, J.R. Spanky’s and JJ’s Wing ‘N’ It in Grove. Enjoy!
BUM MUST-SEE TV: Bones – Season 10 premieres Thursday at 7:00 on Fox.
BUM MUST-SEE MOVIE: Danny Collins and Get Hard
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “The Robert Durst case sends a power message that, if you’re a rich serial killer in America, you will only get away with it for three decades.” – Andy Borowitz
SAVE THE DATE: Saturday, April 4 – Grand Dam Run (8:00-11:00) at the Pensacola Dam. Sunday, April 5 – Easter Sunday. Saturday, April 11 – Old Bulldog Band concert & dance at Big Shots, raising money for the Monkey Island Trail ($20 at the door, $25 reserved seats paid in advance). Saturday, April 11 - South Grand Lake Area Chamber of Commerce Bootleggers Ball at Cherokee Yacht Club. Saturday, April 11 – The Temptations in concert at Buffalo Run Casino. Saturday, April 18 – Ales and Tails Crawfish Festival at the American Legion Rodeo Arena in Vinita (gates open at 4:00). Friday, May 8 – GRDA “Lake Launch” party at the Ecosystems Building in Langley.
March Madness is in full swing – and we’re down to the Sweet 16 now! It’s time for even non-fans to start watching college basketball. Sweet 16 games will be played Thursday & Friday, with the Elite Eight facing off Saturday and Sunday. Games are on CBS, TBS, TNT, and truTV. As they say, “check your local listings.”
The OKC Thunder continue their fight for a playoff spot. They are in Utah to take on the Jazz Saturday night at 8:00 (Fox Sports Oklahoma) before heading to Phoenix to take on the Suns Sunday afternoon at 5:00 (Fox Sports Oklahoma and NBA TV). Wednesday, April 1, they’re back home to seek a little revenge against the Dallas Mavericks. With all the college basketball action filling up the airwaves, the only nationally televised NBA game this week will be Houston at Washington at 11:30 Sunday morning (ABC).
The PGA Tour is in San Antonio this weekend for the Valero Texas Open. Coverage on the Golf Channel begins at 2:00 Thursdayand Friday, and at noon Saturday and Sunday. NBC has coverage of the final two rounds beginning at 2:00 Saturday and Sunday.
The NASCAR guys will be Martinsville this weekend. Coverage of the STP 500 begins at noon Sunday on Fox Sports.
The weekend ahead looks every bit as nice as the weekend gone by! Grand Lakers will enjoy temperatures pushing 60 on Friday, 65Saturday, 70+ on Sunday. It just gets better and better every week. Grand Lake is ALIVE! Remember, wherever you choose to party around the lake, be sure to buy a drink for the guy next to you. It could be me.
GRAND LAKE BUM
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Looking for places to go, things to do, services to use or property to buy in the Grand Lake area? Here’s a starter kit listing of “open to the public” fun places to spend time at Grand Lake.
American Grill in Grove
Aquabar & Grill at The Landings Marina on Monkey Island (smoking on the deck)
Artichoke Restaurant & Bar in Langley (smoking in the bar)
Big Shots on Monkey Island (smoking upstairs—open Friday & Saturday nights)
Book ‘ems at South Wind Marina in Bernice
Buffalo Bar at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patios)
Buffalo Run Casino in Miami (smoking)
Carlos Montez in Langley (smoking in bar)
Ceasar’s Place in Vinita and on Monkey Island
Chicken Coop in Langley
Clanton’s Café in Vinita
Docks Bar at Harbors View Marina
Downstream Casino in Quapaw (smoking)
Drake’s Restaurant in Grove
Frosty & Edna’s (west of the dam in Langley)
Grand Lake Casino, north of Grove on Highway 10 (smoking)
Grand Lodge in Ketchum (smoking)
High Winds Casino east of Miami (smoking)
Indigo Sky Casino west of Seneca, Mo. (smoking)
Iron Frog (Grove)
Island Joe's Kentena at Shangri-La Marina (smoking)
J.J.’s Wing ‘N’ It in Downtown Grove
J.R. Spanky's on Highway 10 north of Grove (smoking)
Karrie's Kaboose in Vinita (smoking)
Kelly’s Bar & Deli at Red Arrow Marina
La Casita de Martin in Grove
Lighthouse Supper Club in Ketchum
Los Garcias in Langley
Lupe's Mexican Restaurant in Grove
Monkey Island Pub (Smoking)
Mooney’s Sunset Bar & Grill in Disney (smoking, etc.)
Napoli’s Italian Restaurant (Langley)
Nu Taste Restaurant in Grove
Okie Smokies Barbecue in Grove on Hwy 59 South
Book ‘ems Restaurant & Pub at South Wind Marina in Bernice
Pensacola Pizza & Pasta in Langley (smoking on patio only)
Pickles at the Lake in Langley
Quarterdeck Cafe at Tera Miranda Harbor (smoking on the deck)
Rancho Viejo in Grove
Road Hog Saloon at the entrance to Monkey Island (smoking...but not at lunch)
Rusty Anchor (next to the cliffs at Dripping Springs)
Scooters in Langley (smoking)
Sharky’s at Hammerhead Marina (smoking)
Smokin’ Spur BBQ & Trading Post at Old Towne Plaza, Cleora
Sticky Fingers Barbecue in Ketchum
Stuffn’s Restaurant in Ketchum (Smoking on patio)
Summerside Winery in Vinita
Summit Restaurant at Shangri-La on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Grill at Indian Hills Resort & Marina in Bernice
The Landings Marina (smoking on the deck)
The Landings Market and Grill on Monkey Island (smoking on the patio)
The Parrot at Honey Creek Landing in Grove (Smoking on the patio)
The Office on Monkey Island (smoking)
The Stables Casino in Miami (smoking)
The Shebang on Monkey Island (smoking on patio and Balcony Bar)
Trail’s End Barbecue in Grove
Ugly’s Grill & Bar, Thunder Bay Marina (smoking)
VIP Pizza at Hammerhead Marina (smoking on deck)
Water Side Bar & Grill in Grove
Waterway Café, Harbors View Marina (smoking on breakwater dining deck)
Wyandotte Nation Casino at Twin Bridges (smoking)